Lines

CW: Substance Abuse

Lines on my arms, one two three
Lines on the table, four five six
Cut lines somewhere on something
Credit card and rolled up bills
Razor blade and a rolled-up tissue
Bloody hands and how’d I get here
Black out nights and black out blinds
To stop the sunlight from telling you that
Afters need to stop, that afternoon’s arrived
When did we get in last night?
Who drank all the vodka? Was it me?
I haven’t left the house in four days
Last night’s party was a blast
Joe had that fit after a nitrous balloon
Crying fit on the floor because no matter
How hard I try I can’t come out of it
I close my eyes but it’s like
One long bad trip that won’t end
Did you know James is on 2C-B tonight?
That’s why he’s eating chips whilst
We all take more MDMA in the back room
I can’t see my phone screen I’m too fucked
Someone else turn on the music please
Turn off the light when you leave
I haven’t eaten in three days
Don’t order me a take away
I swear I’ll be ok by the morning
Anyone want a McDonalds?
We’re going for a walk because Chez and I
Sniffed this entire bag and now
We have the overwhelming urge
To go somewhere different than this kitchen
Now I’m sat at the kitchen table
In my dressing gown trying to
Force myself to eat a bowl of cereal but
It feels like trying to shove carpet down
My unwilling throat into a churning stomach
Half smoked spliff on the table
Was that from last night or the night before?
I quiz myself on what’s happened
We smashed the pub quiz on Tuesday
Round of shots for us for best team name
Quickly deteriorated into drugs in my kitchen
I’m just having fun, don’t mind me
Don’t mind me, I whisper to my flat
As if living here has inconvenienced it
Cig ends and empty bottles strewn
Across the floor and tables
I can’t remember how I got here
Nose blocked and in my overdraft
Apparently I rung my dealer last night?
Can’t sleep at 8am because of the coke
Or can’t sleep because of the anxiety
Heart racing either way staring at the
Light on the ceiling wondering what it
Feels like to have a normal night
How to not completely lose control
Every fucking time
Birds begin chirping, mind whirling
People beginning to worry when
I don’t show up for afters or pre’s
I never miss the chance for a line or key
Scraping up the will to get out of bed
Get off the floor, stop staring at the wall
Comedowns blend into real life
The drugs don’t get me as high anymore
So I cut a line at night somewhere
And on something
Razor blade or credit card
Red or white
Three, four, five neatly in a row
Up my nose or on my wrist
I’ve relapsed again.