Kaleidoscope Eyes \\ A candid romantic encounter \\ Be More Intimate

Kaleidoscope Eyes

When the Beatles said
"The girl with kaleidoscope eyes"
I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up

I wanted to a be a technicolour optical illusion
Something full of symmetrical beauty but obscure and fractal
I wanted to be something beguiling in every light and mysterious at every angle

Vibrant but elusive,
Colorful yet perplexing
Bright and blindingly baffling

I wanted the world to witness me and
be at a loss for words by my sparkle and reflection
I wanted to be seen through a kaleidoscope not be one myself

My magic though is not being seen
But rather in how I see
The world, my audience, and her.

Because I see beauty in everything
My world is far from black and white
It's bold and brilliant HD colour

I see love and kindness in golden canary yellow
I see liquid pure white rage and anger
I see the deepest sorrows in scarlet and mauve

People scream with excitement in seafoam green
Cry out in sadness in cerulean blue
And silence can be warm like burnt orange

There's a galaxy of colour inside my chest
It paints my whole universe with bright, sparkling pigments
But my eyes explode like a thousand stars when I see her

My eyes do the kaleidoscope thing when she's in sight.
She's mirrored and reflected over and over
She's fractal light and there seems to be dozens of her in my eyes.

Her colours are bold, like mine
Her voice is vibrant, like mine
Yet she is blindingly baffling

Together we would make art with our conversations
Together we would make a rainbow with our emotions
Together we would make a perfect symmetrical pattern with our bodies

Colour will paint our lives together
Pigments will stain our stories
Shades will tint our memories

I thought I wanted to be seen
But I found love in seeing
I really did end up with kaleidoscope eyes.

A candid romantic encounter

You ask for a smoke and correct me
when I pull out my pack
"I just want a drag" 
So I go to hand you the cigarette between my fingers 
but you squeeze between my chest and arm and
Pull a drag, 
Lips lightly brushing my fingers 
the sensation faded before I could 
savour it 

Smoke obscures your face for a moment and I 
realize you've stepped back from my 
almost accidental embrace 
what a fleeting intimacy
you've just gifted me

You are the definition of candid
when you open your mouth 
The words must just fall out
unfiltered and blurted and blurry 
Opinions on flowers, governments, and people
sprinkling my ears with notes
like a joyous chorus 
at the decibel of chirping birds
You talk with your whole soul 
And I can't help but smile with mine

Unbothered by the 3am lights and
taxi cab drivers offering us a ride home
You pick a dandelion from the curbside 
and grab my hand from my awkward pocketed position 
You place the weed in my palm
and tell me to make a wish 
But this isn't one of the white ones you blow on
it's yellow-orange 
You tell me to close my eyes
and wish anyway

When I open my eyes again
You stare up at me with wide eyes 
then you close my hand around the tiny flower
and push it towards my chest
The flower can feel my heart beat
as it jumps in my chest
then, on tiptoes you put your lips near my ear
and whisper the gentlest 
"I hope you wished for me" 
The world goes silent as your words echo through 
my whole body

You disappeared into the noise and colours of the club
I tried to tell my friends about your fleeting comfort
the way you radiated cool and calm
But they couldn't hear my words over the beat of the music
So you stayed just mine 
my moment 
my brief intimacy 
I took another shot at the bar
and danced like you were in my arms under the bright lights

And when the world goes black 
I still wish for you

Be More Intimate

When I cook for you
I omit the ginger
Because you think it stings
your tongue

I buy you Gerbera daisies 
Instead of a dozen roses 
because roses make you think
of infidelity 

I kiss the crown of your head
while you're reading
so you know I'm there
without losing your place in the story

I write you letters and 
fill the envelope with glitter
so when you open it everything sparkles
just like you do

I chose my words carefully
and don't let my anger invade
my verbal poetry because I know
you remember every word I utter

I think it's beautiful how you make 
connections between nature and society 
and how you see the potential for 
growth in everything 

You renamed the constellations one night
on my balcony as different kinds of 
trees and plants 
and it made the universe teem with life

I memorized your heartbeat
while lying on your chest
because it was a comforting 
rhythm in my ears 

I watch you paint 
because I love to watch 
beauty flow from 
your fingers 

I like to hold your hand
because there are so many 
stories carved into your palm
That I can only hear through our interlocked fingers

I think of you
and I'm intentional with my time with you
because I know how to savour 
fleeting intimacy 

PSX 20220620 093446

Jamie Quinn Mader

Jamie Quinn Mader (They/them) is a non binary, fat, mad, queer, femme poet from Toronto, ON. They have published in variety of places and recently self-published a collection of poetry called "We Are Not Infinite" Links to all publications, socials, and to find out more: https://linktr.ee/JamieQuinn.m