Dyke Through the Ages

“Dyke” is not a new word. Not by any means. Lesbians and queer women have been using the term to describe themselves for longer than our Editorial staff has been alive. We’re acutely aware that by using “dyke” to identify ourselves situates us amongst a long, rich lineage of dykes that came before us. There is no story to tell without their input. With that in mind, we interviewed some of the older queer women who have helped shape our organization about the past, present and future of Dykes. Their identities have been kept anonymous for their privacy.

What words do you use to describe yourself and your identity? How have they changed over time?

CUTE A: I’d say Bi, but I hate that title. I mean, look, when I was young, Dyke was totally the word I used. Because I was out, proud, right away. I liked the L Word, I was totally a lesbian. But, then I moved to Lonndon and met this guy. And it fucked everything up for me. It was hard. Within a few months of meeting him, we went to Pride and it was the worst experience for me. I saw my friends and I would’ve given my right arm to be back with my friends. It was like coming home for Christmas, I wanted to be there with them. But from then on, the D word just felt too harsh for me. It was Lesbian. Then Gay. And now, I just don’t even say anything. I feel like I’m too old for “fluid.” I don’t really like labels. Labels can change at any time.

CUTIE B: They have changed overtime. I would say the first word that slides out easily is “straight with a twist” but I’m marrying a woman so I don’t really know. But if I had to pick a box, I’d probably use Bi. But, I don’t know. The box part is the hard part for me. I’m just me and I just am who I am, with who I am. But it’s a hard identity because it wasn’t always accepted. Like, if people saw you as gay back then, they weren’t accepting of you going back in the closet or changing your mind. 

Tell me about your personal experience with the word Dyke? What has it meant to be given the label, or to take it on?

CUTIE A: Let’s go back to 19 year old me. She was fucking fun. It was the early 90s. I met this girl over the phone. She said when she was in Toronto she liked to go to The Rose. And I was like, “What’s that?” and she said it was a women’s bar and she liked to go because she liked girls. She was married to a man. She got married because she was in this little town. It was the natural thing to do. But, she was sick. It was complicated but the minute she spoke her truth, she started to heal. She had chronic fatigue but then she spoke her truth and she was on the mend, it went away. She moved to Toronto, to be with her sister-in-law, who was in a gay relationship. Talk about lesbian drama, right? We dated long distance and then we came together and dated in real life. That was so much fun. She’s a court officer and she was hanging these two other lesbians who were court officers and I started dating one of them. Then, I was introduced to The Rose. I earned a PhD in lesbianism. This girl was like “let’s get a drink on a Tuesday night”.  It was game over.  She was confident and charismatic. Women would throw themselves at her. This woman would come home with numbers in her cigarette pack. She broke up relationships and I had a right hand seat. I fell for her. I was more in love with her than she was with me. I knew she was emotionally unavailable so when we did start dating, it freaked her out. I was new to the scene. I was so out, so proud. I was invincible. I was fearless. I broke up with this guy to date that first girl. I was so fearless that I told him about it, not fearing the consequences. And he went to my dad’s house and told my dad. My father looked at him and said “You come to my house to tell me something I already know? Get the fuck out.” My dad didn’t know, of course. I mean, she was spending weekends at my house and we were out all the time but we always said it was just friends. So, when he came to my dad with it it was like just confirming it. My dad asked me about it and, I’m way too proud, I was like this is just, my moment to be out. And from then on it was permission to just be. I was going to The Rose, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday night. Me and my girl, we’d go together and we’d go home together but, everything in between was for fun. I’d go around on my own and then we’d go home together. That was how I got my Master’s in lesbianism. But, the PhD is another story.

CUTIE B: When you say that word, I smile. I think of the year 2001. I just graduated from university and moved back to Toronto and I had short hair and I had more gay friends than straight friends. I would have to come out as being straight. I went to Pride for the first time. And everything would be printed in Now. It was printed and handed out for free. They’d give you an entire itinerary for Pride. I remember going to Rainbow Tai Chi at the 519 and wanting to just learn about this world. I had a bit of it at Queen’s, I was in the left wing side of Queens which wasn’t very left. I came to Toronto and all my friends were going to Pride. Sunday was the parade but Saturday was the Dyke march and I went with friends. And we danced and marched all day. I had never been exposed to that many lesbians in a space. There were some in tutus and some in no tops and it was the first time I saw Dykes on Bikes. I had never seen that many types of women and queer women it was like going to the buffet. I dont know that I have ever been to a Dyke March since but I’ve never had that much energy. The streets were just packed and people were dancing and hanging out of windows. When I think of that word I think of that level of energy and diversity. And then I think of the films we used to watch. In the late 90s and early 2000s you had to go to film houses and find films. I remember movies like Better Than Chocolate. It was a really artsy lesbian movie, they painted in chocolate. It was hot. I remember If These Walls Could Talk 2, it was a remake of the original. But it had Ellen Degeneres and Sharon Stone and Chloe Sevigny and they were doing all these vignettes of queer women over time. They had a motocyclist who had bound breasts and wore like a motorcycle jacket. And two older women living together and living this life and one got sick and was in the hospital and the other had no access. It was just so groundbreaking at the time. I just remember watching it and watching it and watching it. There was more. There was real queer cinema. I remember going to the inside out festival. Anne Marie Macdonald made a bunch of films, I definitely had a crush on her. It was just this really artsy time of exploring being queer. It was all within years of Ellen coming out and the floodgates had opened and exploring the new avenues of queer identity. When I hear that word I think of those things and I think of my young self getting exposed to it and being curious and excited. And having so many options. There wasn’t one identity or one picture. There were all these options and pictures. There was all this energy and vibrancy.

To you, what does it mean to be a Dyke?

CUTIE A: It was liberating. It was really powerful because I got to be something that I couldn’t really be. Now, there’s certain parts of it and I’m more aware of the world and how it’s changed. But, I was around older lesbians and I wanted to thank them. Because you know the shit that they went through. It was pride. It was identity. 

CUTIE B: I don’t really know. I just know that I am with a person I really love who is a lesbian. She is kind of an elder lesbian. And I got to learn all these things from her. She’s kind of my frist exposure. And all of my teachers who were gay who I’ve become friends with since. And I think of sportiness and camaraderie and just, fun. I don’t know that we have that now but that’s what i think of when i think about it. I think of belonging to something.

What was it like coming into your own as a queer person/Dyke? How did you find your people? How did you find yourself? 

CUTIE A: Oh my god it was fun. It was such a good time. Imagine going to a bar that’s all girls. The drinks were affordable. The music was okay. Everybody was fruitier at the end of the night. People didn’t care. It was so much fun. It was electricity at The Rose. Then another bar opened up and there were lots of events popping up. You’d see some of the same people but not always. Pride was fun because the out of towners would come in.  In terms of knowing I liked girls, I knew in Grade 6. This guy had this Parade magazine of Samantha Fox that I took and was supposed to give back but I didn’t. My parents found it between my mattresses. But they just didn’t ask me about it. I didn’t even think about it because I was a loser from grade 9 to grade 12. Then, I started going to The Rose and down Church Street and I’d pick up the Pink Pages and read it every week. I fucking loved the Pink Pages. And Now, which was a bit much. It had all the monthly dances. Pink Pages would print all the upcoming events. Whether it was a book reading or an event or a retail outlet or whatever.

What is something you wish young Dykes knew? About our shared history, about the future, about how things have changed, anything.

CUTIE A: How hard it was for other people to come out. In my lifetime, it was hard. And the guts that it took for women back then to open up a bar. I had the chance to hang out with the Parachute Club. She was a Torontonian singer, she was Italian. And she came out. I was at a party and she was explaining how hard it was for her parents to understand. I couldn’t even imagine what she went through and how hard it was for her and her friends. She wasn’t the most feminine looking so she would be a target. Still, it was important to go out and be with her friends and be who she wanted to be. It was all worth it. When you look around the bar you see older lesbians you might think they’re out of touch with their short haircuts and old clothes. But, looking back now, they paved the way. Look back is the thing I would say. Think about how it was 50 years or 60 years ago. Just look back.

What do you see/hope/dream for future Dykes?

CUTIE A: That more people try to understand and meet them where they’re at. Some people just get an image in their head of two women together. But there’s a deeper relationship there. If they could, beyond pretend, beyond tolerate, but try to meet them where they’re at. So they can continue living and trying to change the world and encouraging people to come out. I’m kind of living my dream now. I’m getting married. I’m changing my world. It’s taken me a while, at 50 years old I think I’m finally out and I’m going to stay out.

CUTIE B: Financial freedom. I know with women, we make less anyway. And when you’re in a relationship with two women. You’re kind of stuck making less. I hope for a future where young Dykes don’t have to worry about that kind of inequality. I want them to feel the freedom of having what they need.