An Unjustified Love

Dear, it is St. Valentine’s Day and I’m sitting right beside you, in the front row of an airy and bright classroom, in the giant building of Earl Haig S.S. Outside, the radiant sun is creeping up, and old piles of snow are shrinking down, inch by inch. This is when you know that spring is just around the corner with its fragrance already smelt and its warmth already felt. The tightly packed neighbourhood that had been stiffened by the wintry gales seems to stretch out its arms and slacken its sinews while cheerfully regaining its vigor. This change is evident even in our class – smiles and sweet dimples have already re-dominated some sprightly faces, including yours, though excluding mine.

It’s St. Valentine’s Day and I ought to restrain myself from unconsciously letting out any queer expressions or eccentric remarks. It is better off sitting quietly in bio class, pretending that today is nothing special. Only a few exchanges of thoughts and comments are sufficient to maintain a normal friendship between the two of us, two girls who merely happened to cross each other without risking a chance for their fates to be entwined and entangled. That’s how you think of our relationship, dear, isn’t it? Perhaps my cowardess is a bondage that has too strictly kept me from telling you the truth. Today it’s finally time for me to break free. Stunningly, I hardly find any males enticing. I used to be on good terms with quite a lot of girls. But before long, I became disappointed and dejected in figuring out that none of them shared any common passion with me, nor did they attempt to understand my plights and my internal struggles. 

Until, one day when I turned around in my seat when your gorgeous and heavenly profile came into my view. Only one glance of you and one moment spent together with you sufficed to recuperate all my withered fancies. I was fully mesmerized: the tenderness kindled by the sensible corners of your mouth, your empathy glittered between the amiable blinks of your eyes, your thoughtfulness hidden behind the thick glasses… They were worth a whole spring field of the most precious tulips that nurture a thousand soothing dreams. And even better, after we had acquainted each other, I found out with tremendous immense pleasure that you and I, both had a fervent love for poetry. Every once in a while, we used to exchange some awkward poems that would otherwise have been ripped and ridden. I have been treating you like half of the external world, which became enlightened by the shining spirit of poems. But you, in return, have treated me like a flat confidant who is only apt to hold your secrets in the realm of poetry and fiction. Though speaking realistically, it is what it is, and I wouldn’t have expected more from you. But still, I would like to explicitly tell you that I love you, dear. My love for you is fermenting and indelible. At the same time, I’m more than clear that my love would, to its maximum extent, be returned by a caring friendship, not anything beyond. It cannot yield a love that is equal in strength and fervor. 

At the moment, I should fulfill my duty as a studious student, as a kind and responsible tablemate of yours. It is so much better to not alter the status quo, a relationship with two sides unbalanced, than to be tempted to delve further and both end up submerged in the sea of unduly wishes and desires. 

The bell has just rung. You stood up hurriedly and I’ll squeeze myself in so that you can leave. After you went home and unpacked your knapsack, you might as well see a piece of half-molten white chocolate, with a bold red heart-shaped mark. I daresay you must have thought that it was from Cayden, your best guy friend. You are wrong but happy St. Valentine’s Day.