CAVE

Her feelings lived inside a cave
A place I was directed to steer clear of
Bricked away, her heart and vulnerability,
guarded by a bear 

It was those walls that cursed us
Me
Stricken to be alone despite there being an us
I missed her
Who I thought she was
But couldn’t really be sure of
Not the bear
For her bear-parts frightened me to death
But her
Us

It was hard to be excluded 
To be told I was not allowed
Feeling like a punished child
Not a girlfriend
Definitely not a partner

See my feelings didn’t matter
My heart was not a consideration
Over and over I was told I was wrong 
Needy
Annoying
Too much
for wanting connection
Aching for full fledged intimacy

She’d casually ask me to stop
What she really meant 
was that she didn’t want to hear me
Or to know me, not truly

She didn’t care if I felt
If I had pain
Over and over she asked me to live like her
In caverns
But the dark that comforted her
turned off the lights of my truth

And so I receded 
Into my own cave
Because I thought maybe it would help me find her
But she was not there

Cave days became
weeks
months
and then too long

I found I was with only myself
in a box 
A lonesome chamber
And as the walls transformed into 
self-loathing
shame
My cave crushed my humanity
And I became
Stoic
Cold
Rigid
Transactional
Void of heart

And so I did
Every day
For her convenience
Left outside on the sidewalk
In the dark
To rot in the sun
My fragile beauty that she had wanted
Withered
Starved
Died
As she lost me 
and I lost me